Levi Johnston Officially a DILF

Well, though I am disappointed that Bristol Palin's son's failure to hang in there til January may put an end to all parentage conspiracy theories, it's always good when someone pops out a healthy kid. So congrats to Bristol, who allegedly gave birth on December 27!

Unfortch, none of my top 5 names were chosen by the teen mom, who named her little peep Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston--kind of obvious in retrospect! However, do I still get points for identifying that Palins love nature names beginning in T? After all, people trip over shit in nature all the time.

Also worth noting is little Tripp's weight: 7 pounds, 4 ounces. 7/4. That's the Fourth of July, people! Ah, what blessed Americans those Palins are.

Now keep that baby away from his two insane grandmas!

Math Is Fun . . . When It Comes To Palin Parentage!

While scanning headlines to see if Miss Bristol has yet given birth--and thereby seeing if one of my five picks was right--I came across this interesting piece, written on Decemeber 23, three days after Bristol was due. While I disagree with the writers' possible baby names (I mean, Hrug, let's be serious) the whole point of their post is quite captivating. Basically it brings up the old familiar Who is Trig's mom question, but with a new urgency.

Because, essentially, if Bristol's child is born is January, then the Palins' official timeline does not check out, making it physically possible that Bristol is in fact the birth mother of Trig, born in mid-April.

While I'm assuming that most babies are not born on their due dates--because it would be kind of crazy if we could literally predict the day everyone is born--let's not forget that it is December 28 already . . . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Sienna Miller, who turns 27 today. May she have a lovely birthday and keep her shirt on in at least one film in 2009, namely G.I. Joe.

R. Patt To Stop Looking Like Fraggle

With a few months to go before New Moon begins filming, R. Patt decided to Britney Spears it and cut the mullet! Don't get me wrong, I liked Edward's hair and all, but Pattinson left to his own devices was not cool. Congrats on your mature decision, Robbie!

DOWNLOAD: "Cut the Mullet" by Wesley Willis. TRUST me.

"The winter loves me," he retorted, and then, disliking the whimsical sound of that, added, "I mean as much as you can say a season can love. What I mean is, I love winter, and when you really love something, then it loves you back, in whatever way it has to love."

What I Did On My Blogging Vacation

Wrote about basically the same stuff I write about here. Only got paid for it. (Well, kind of.)

November 13: As Seen On (M)TV. A piece about how retail is tanking everywhere, but if you get your clothes on peeps like Serena van der Woodsen, it's all good.

November 21: Vampire Weekend. While it was obvious to everyone who could read, walk past a Borders, or look something up on iMDB that Twilight would be a hit, Summit Entertainment refused to acknowledge it. Weird.

November 24: Box Office Bite. Yup, I was right. (Like most of the world.)

The Baby-Daddy's Baby

So, Levi Johnston's mom has been bad. But amid news of her arrest for running a drug store out of her house, a more exciting point has been brought to our attention: Bristol's due to pop tomorrow!

Yes, December 20 is the due date for Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston's darling illegitimate child. (Although, disclaimer, I think the illegit part is a good thing. Just say no to high school marriage. I hope you're listening, Brenda Hampton and ABC Family.) The impending birth of the little repub raises a major question, however.

What could Bristol, sister of Piper, Willow, Track, and Trig, come up with that would top the naming skills displayed by her classy and traditional mother Sarah? Below, my top 5 guesses for what the newest Palin will answer too, going on my gut assumption that Bristol's having a boy:

5. Govner (After all, this was an important year in politics for the fam. But they'll switch up the spelling of governor 'cause that's what "celebrities" do.)

4. Hunter (Sums up daddy's greatest goal for his boy, and is actually a normal name climbing in popularity!)

3. Thunder (Palins favor nature names beginning in T.)

And my top two:

2. Polar

1. Rifle

Thoughts, anyone? Ideas welcome!