Thursday, January 29

Celebrities Beware!

It turns out that if you name your kid something like Honor (left) she may be anything but honorable. A new study rolling out from Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania has determined that the more absurd a child's name is, the more likely that little peep will grow up to commit crimes in high school rather than become your general slacker jock or slutty color guard girl.

The study created a popularity-name index for many children's names. Michael was the most popular, recieving a PIN number of 100. Names like Ivan and Malcolm came in at 1.

If Malcolm, not insanely uncommon per se, rated the lowest of the names measured, things are certainly not looking good for children named Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee), Bronx Mowgli (those Simpson-Wentzes), Peanut (Jonny Lee Miller), Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon) and Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson).

And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense—these kids are pissed off! The study noted that "juveniles with unpopular names may act out because they consciously or unconsciously dislike their names."

Let's all fight to make the world a better place; this news couldn't come at a better time! If you can no longer afford to donate to charity or volunteer your time, all you gotta do is get pregs and name that baby John!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Andrew Keegan! Remember him? 10 Things I Hate About You! That fool is 30 already.


Sarah B.S. said...

Can you please post more crazy celebrity baby names. That shiz is hilarious.


Thom Yorke´s Bad Eye said...

You forgot about Moxie Crimefighter - Penn Gillette's future juvenile delinquent!!

BTDubs - holy shit we are old! I can't belive Andrew Keegan is 30!!!