Two Bitches and a Werewolf

Saddest part of this is that I totally want Kristen's outfit.

Weird, Weird Miley News

I think Crazy Miley just won herself two brownie points! 1.) She drives a Prius, and 2.) She is totally nice to the paparazzi! Love when she asks where her usual pap stalker is.

I'm ignoring the fact that she's parked in the handicapped spot. Miley is full of class, as the picture at left suggests.

Also, I really wish we had Millions of Milkshakes in New York. Or maybe I don't since I don't have a pers trainer like Mi-Mi.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Olivia Wilde, that girl who made out with Marissa Cooper on The O.C., is 25 today. I'm thinking she should be in Canada right now filming New Moon instead of the glory that is Nikki Reed.

Disney Animation Is Back!

After 10 long years of being pushed aside like James Marsden in every movie he's in except 27 Dresses, the magical genre of Disney cartoons is returning to reclaim the throne from computer animation! I know, I know, fools love them some Toy Story, etc. But as a child of the '80s/'90s, let me say that people in their single digits are missing out on something today.

Alas, they must wait no longer. Well, they gotta wait 'til Christmas; might as well just build on that anxiety. Holiday '09 will bring the The Princess and the Frog, a heartwarming tale of beastiality in which a beautiful princess must make out with a frog in order to get herself a man. There are no hottie sailing princes or muscle-y Germans, as the fairytale is set in America, in New Orleans, during the Jazz Age. Which sounds pretty sweet.

The P & the F is generating a lot of press lately because of conversations that have pretty much gone like this:

The Media: Princess and the Frog! Princess Tiana is the first Black Disney princess!

Disney: Hello! Stop shortchanging us! We are double-fisting these pints of social progress--Tiana is the first Black Disney princess and the first AMERICAN Disney princess!

Jezebel.com: Wow . . . wow. Um. POCAHONTAS?!?

Peeps who run kids' stuff are so silly. But I repeat: Black, American, great. The best part of this is that Tiana is a cartoon! But don't get your hopes up girl. I doubt that frog's gonna be hotter than Ariel's man.

(And in case you were wondering, yeah, Oprah's in it.)

Telling Your Parents You're Pregnant Worse Than Being In Labor

It's official: I heart Bristol Palin! And not just as a punch line. In her first interview last night (on Fox, how predictable) Bristol had all sorts of gems, such as describing her new son as "very, very, very cute" and the above, a headline lifted from a quote. I'd like to remind the audience I'm not being sarcastic here.

Best of all, Bristol goes against that crazy-ass witch she has for a mother and says that she thinks abstinence teaching is just unrealistic and blames it on all the teenage pregnancy up in this piece (i.e. the U.S.)!

Of course, Sarah, desperately in withdrawal from lack of spotlight, crashes the interview and drags Bristol's 6-week-old son into it. But it doesn't work; because Brist is so much smarter and open-eyed than her mother, she's really the one you wanna see. And she's so pretty too!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: I have a theory that 1981 was a powerhouse year for celebrity births. If you think of "celebrity" as it should be defined, this would mean that the year bred many successful artists and other creative types, right? Today, we have Joseph Gordon Levitt (10 Things I Hate About You!) and Paris Hilton, both turning 28.

You decide.

Comment of the Day

Found this on a story regarding the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation. The article was from a British site (read: sarcastic and sensational) and basically just noted that Chris was asking God to help make him a better person and that his public statements seem to be getting close to a confession.

Well, once you bring God into it, naturally comments take on a life of their own and people stop worrying about Rihanna and focus more on pushing their own Crazy Christian, atheist and everything in between agendas. I think the most recent commentor (at the time of my discovery) got it right, all while referencing 20 years of pop culture. Congrats! His insight?

"This story has attracted more retards than Twilight and NKOTB combined."

Damn can those Brits summarize.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: To the beautiful Agyness Deyn, who turns 26 today. Pretty sweet for a supermodel!

Blast From the Web Treat Past

"Living rooms . . . bedrooms . . .dinettes . . ."

Let's make it  . . . a dance!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Apparently February 11 is a popular day for being born. 

Taylor Lautner, little Jacob Black in the Twilight series, is 17, but has to work out enough to look like he's "physically about 25" by the time the next installment films next month. Good luck, Tayl!

Matthew Lawrence (heart) is 29 today, Brandy (I wanna be do-o-o-o-o-o-o-own) is 30, and Natalie Dormer, The Tudors' Anne Boleyn, is 27.

A Note On Doing Drugs

PEOPLE (like Kellogg's and Guitar Hero fools): Michael Phelps smoka'd da weed at a party after about 20 years of swim practice. 

A. Rod used an illegal substance to cheat at his profession and as a result made millions and millions. 

Phelps equals: Every college kid in America. Hell, if he had rolled up to Massachusetts for a bong hit, all he would've gotten is a fine!

A. Rod equals: Bernie Madoff.

NOT THE SAME THING!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: To Elizabeth Banks, 35, even though she "tastes like a burger" (where's that from?) and Emma Roberts, who turns 18 today. I'm sure dudes are happy.