A. Rod used an illegal substance to cheat at his profession and as a result made millions and millions.
Phelps equals: Every college kid in America. Hell, if he had rolled up to Massachusetts for a bong hit, all he would've gotten is a fine!
A. Rod equals: Bernie Madoff.
NOT THE SAME THING!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY: To Elizabeth Banks, 35, even though she "tastes like a burger" (where's that from?) and Emma Roberts, who turns 18 today. I'm sure dudes are happy.