Two Bitches and a Werewolf

Saddest part of this is that I totally want Kristen's outfit.

Weird, Weird Miley News

I think Crazy Miley just won herself two brownie points! 1.) She drives a Prius, and 2.) She is totally nice to the paparazzi! Love when she asks where her usual pap stalker is.

I'm ignoring the fact that she's parked in the handicapped spot. Miley is full of class, as the picture at left suggests.

Also, I really wish we had Millions of Milkshakes in New York. Or maybe I don't since I don't have a pers trainer like Mi-Mi.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Olivia Wilde, that girl who made out with Marissa Cooper on The O.C., is 25 today. I'm thinking she should be in Canada right now filming New Moon instead of the glory that is Nikki Reed.

Disney Animation Is Back!

After 10 long years of being pushed aside like James Marsden in every movie he's in except 27 Dresses, the magical genre of Disney cartoons is returning to reclaim the throne from computer animation! I know, I know, fools love them some Toy Story, etc. But as a child of the '80s/'90s, let me say that people in their single digits are missing out on something today.

Alas, they must wait no longer. Well, they gotta wait 'til Christmas; might as well just build on that anxiety. Holiday '09 will bring the The Princess and the Frog, a heartwarming tale of beastiality in which a beautiful princess must make out with a frog in order to get herself a man. There are no hottie sailing princes or muscle-y Germans, as the fairytale is set in America, in New Orleans, during the Jazz Age. Which sounds pretty sweet.

The P & the F is generating a lot of press lately because of conversations that have pretty much gone like this:

The Media: Princess and the Frog! Princess Tiana is the first Black Disney princess!

Disney: Hello! Stop shortchanging us! We are double-fisting these pints of social progress--Tiana is the first Black Disney princess and the first AMERICAN Disney princess!

Jezebel.com: Wow . . . wow. Um. POCAHONTAS?!?

Peeps who run kids' stuff are so silly. But I repeat: Black, American, great. The best part of this is that Tiana is a cartoon! But don't get your hopes up girl. I doubt that frog's gonna be hotter than Ariel's man.

(And in case you were wondering, yeah, Oprah's in it.)

Telling Your Parents You're Pregnant Worse Than Being In Labor

It's official: I heart Bristol Palin! And not just as a punch line. In her first interview last night (on Fox, how predictable) Bristol had all sorts of gems, such as describing her new son as "very, very, very cute" and the above, a headline lifted from a quote. I'd like to remind the audience I'm not being sarcastic here.

Best of all, Bristol goes against that crazy-ass witch she has for a mother and says that she thinks abstinence teaching is just unrealistic and blames it on all the teenage pregnancy up in this piece (i.e. the U.S.)!

Of course, Sarah, desperately in withdrawal from lack of spotlight, crashes the interview and drags Bristol's 6-week-old son into it. But it doesn't work; because Brist is so much smarter and open-eyed than her mother, she's really the one you wanna see. And she's so pretty too!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: I have a theory that 1981 was a powerhouse year for celebrity births. If you think of "celebrity" as it should be defined, this would mean that the year bred many successful artists and other creative types, right? Today, we have Joseph Gordon Levitt (10 Things I Hate About You!) and Paris Hilton, both turning 28.

You decide.

Comment of the Day

Found this on a story regarding the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation. The article was from a British site (read: sarcastic and sensational) and basically just noted that Chris was asking God to help make him a better person and that his public statements seem to be getting close to a confession.

Well, once you bring God into it, naturally comments take on a life of their own and people stop worrying about Rihanna and focus more on pushing their own Crazy Christian, atheist and everything in between agendas. I think the most recent commentor (at the time of my discovery) got it right, all while referencing 20 years of pop culture. Congrats! His insight?

"This story has attracted more retards than Twilight and NKOTB combined."

Damn can those Brits summarize.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: To the beautiful Agyness Deyn, who turns 26 today. Pretty sweet for a supermodel!

Blast From the Web Treat Past

"Living rooms . . . bedrooms . . .dinettes . . ."

Let's make it  . . . a dance!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Apparently February 11 is a popular day for being born. 

Taylor Lautner, little Jacob Black in the Twilight series, is 17, but has to work out enough to look like he's "physically about 25" by the time the next installment films next month. Good luck, Tayl!

Matthew Lawrence (heart) is 29 today, Brandy (I wanna be do-o-o-o-o-o-o-own) is 30, and Natalie Dormer, The Tudors' Anne Boleyn, is 27.

A Note On Doing Drugs

PEOPLE (like Kellogg's and Guitar Hero fools): Michael Phelps smoka'd da weed at a party after about 20 years of swim practice. 

A. Rod used an illegal substance to cheat at his profession and as a result made millions and millions. 

Phelps equals: Every college kid in America. Hell, if he had rolled up to Massachusetts for a bong hit, all he would've gotten is a fine!

A. Rod equals: Bernie Madoff.

NOT THE SAME THING!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: To Elizabeth Banks, 35, even though she "tastes like a burger" (where's that from?) and Emma Roberts, who turns 18 today. I'm sure dudes are happy. 

Arts Czar of America

One interesting note in an otherwise dull (read: Rihanna-less) Grammy Awards show last night (I don't really wanna hear the names Allison Krauss and Robert Plant ever again) was Neil Portnow, Pres and CEO of the Recording Academy, pretty baldly asking Obama to create the position of Secretary of the Arts, and asap. I thought the idea seemed pretty reasonable to ask of a pres who hired himself a chief of technology and has racked up a couple Grammys. However, hard at work this morning at a financial website, the editors disagreed that it was an important position to create, especially given the expenses of adding a new Cabinet position, and had me write about it from the other point of view. 

Finally seeing the upside to my curse of indecision, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense that there isn't a government-established and -run Department of the Arts. After all, how can art be that inspired if there are guidelines to follow and a staff to check in with?

It seems like having Arts be a part of the administration's Cabinet is a little like coloring inside the lines. 

Anyway, I clearly see both sides to the argument here. More funding for the promotion and creation of arts would be fantastic. Art continuing down its thus far successful path of being a limitless form of expression that tends to flourish in times of economic hardship equals just as good. 

SIGN THE PETITION TO GET OBAMA TO SELECT A SECRETARY OF THE ARTS: Here.

I Wish It Was October

So I could be pregnant M.I.A. for Halloween! Waddling on stage at an awards show on your due date equals most inapprop thing ever! Espesh if you wear what amounts to an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny ladybug polka-dot bikini.

Also, holler Emerson baby!

Ryan Gosling's Doggie Dog World

How ador is this pic? (Courtesy of Perez, naturally, ergo the heart.) Apparently Lars is as sweet with his pups as he is with his real dolls.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Seth Green, who, like Andrew Keegan, is all up in his 30s now. May he ignore that fact and party like it's his heyday, which was conveninetly enough probably 1999.

Etta James Goes All Preacher Manning on Beyonce

Wow . . . Etta James seems kinda mean! At a concert this week, the legendary singer hinted at her audience that she wasn't a fan of Miss Single Ladies.

Okay, she didn't hint. She said she can't stand Beyonce and plans to "whoop her ass." She also called out Barry and said he's not her president!

Apparently Etta was pissed off that Beyonce sang "At Last" at the Neighborhood Inauguration Ball and not her. But here's the thing: Etta is 71! She was invited to the ball and couldn't even attend due to health reasons. Sad times. Def on Team Beyonce for this one.

HERE'S A SOUND CLIP: Of Etta trashing Yonce-Yonce.

Crucified Pussycats

Sweet, vintage drawings otherwise, but seriously, front and center?

How depressed did you just get?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Facebook! EasyStalk is 5 years old today. 

Asians Hate Miley

More adventures of the Smartest Starlet Ever.

Here's a super-classy pic of Miley Cyrus and her friends all intentionally making fun of Asians while intentionally posing for a photo which has, most likely, intentionally been leaked online.

Naturally, Asian peeps are mad! A group dedicated to "advancing the social and political well-being of Asian-Pacific Americans" told TMZ that "Miley Cyrus and the other individuals in the photograph [have] encouraged and legitimized the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent" and "insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans." They also noted that the Asian guy in the pic doesn't make it cool.

She supposedly calls this character Hanoi Montana, which is seriously out of control if true.

I mean, really. Just take bong hits and eat Cheetos barefoot! It's worked for your predecessors. Or if you must, do something subtle like flash a peace sign and see if people read into it. And, while we're being obnoxious, is it my imagination, or is Hanoi actually prettier than Miley?

FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION: Anyone else see the dude making fun of Native Americans?

Celebrities Beware!

It turns out that if you name your kid something like Honor (left) she may be anything but honorable. A new study rolling out from Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania has determined that the more absurd a child's name is, the more likely that little peep will grow up to commit crimes in high school rather than become your general slacker jock or slutty color guard girl.

The study created a popularity-name index for many children's names. Michael was the most popular, recieving a PIN number of 100. Names like Ivan and Malcolm came in at 1.

If Malcolm, not insanely uncommon per se, rated the lowest of the names measured, things are certainly not looking good for children named Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee), Bronx Mowgli (those Simpson-Wentzes), Peanut (Jonny Lee Miller), Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon) and Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson).

And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense—these kids are pissed off! The study noted that "juveniles with unpopular names may act out because they consciously or unconsciously dislike their names."

Let's all fight to make the world a better place; this news couldn't come at a better time! If you can no longer afford to donate to charity or volunteer your time, all you gotta do is get pregs and name that baby John!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Andrew Keegan! Remember him? 10 Things I Hate About You! That fool is 30 already.

Vanessa Hudgens To Get Naked In "New Moon"

Well, technically, at least, if she is awarded the role she has recently auditioned for! Vaness, who is famous for her role as Gabriela in High School Musical, along with being an internet porn star via some leaked nekkid pics, is vying for the role of Leah, the sole female werewolf in Jacob Black's posse. (Werewolves don't wear clothes.)

Ashley Greene, who plays Alice and apparently likes to drink and talk, told some fools all about it at a Golden Globes party last night, though Vanessa's reps will not confirm it.

This news doesn't infuriate me! It's so ridic that I might actually like it. Now let's just pray that neither Nessie ends up CGI!

New Moon is slated to come out a year from Twilight's release, on November 20, 2009.